If you’ve read a few of my posts, you may have noticed that each time I try to find a comic cover or page that either has something of the movie in it, represents the character, or something along those lines. I think the cover above may actually be the most fitting one yet. In Going Sane, The Joker manages to “kill” Batman, and then becomes “sane”. Eventually it turns out Batman wasn’t dead, just extremely wounded, and he returns. Joker becomes insane again and everything is restored to normal. This movie basically “did a Joker” (can I coin that as a new phrase, or has it already been used?) on Batman. We thought the franchise was dead, until Nolan came along and resurrected it.
And this movie really is one big joke. Except it’s not funny in any way.
It starts off with the lamest hero introduction ever, as Batman crashes in on Mr Freeze and says “Hi Freeze, I’m Batman” (no, I did not just make that up) in such a lazy way as to make you think that the script really wasn’t that dumb, but that Clooney couldn’t be bothered to read it so just made it up. From there it goes steadily downhill until it couldn’t possibly get any worse, then surprises you by introducing even more characters who are both pointless and terrible which proves that, yes, in fact it could get worse.
I knew this movie would be difficult to say anything good about before even re-watching it. Every time I try to think of something good to say, it feels like it would be a lie. There’s not much point in me telling you the plot. It makes no sense at all, has serious continuity errors in a ton of scenes anyway, and some parts happen purely so that there can be some pun spoken or supposed comedy moment, like the auction of Poison Ivy which happens just so that Batman can show off his ridiculous Bat-credit card.
Speaking of puns, I think the count is ten per minute. They really want you to notice how ‘clever’ they are with them. I mean they reeeaaaally want you to notice. But by the time Poison Ivy makes the fifth one about her lady parts in the same scene, if you haven’t tired of them and want to turn the TV off, I’d be surprised.
I thought to myself, was the plot really just a bunch of puns and quips that the writers sat down and came up with, then said “Hey, how can we make it so this character can say this?”
The characters are totally misrepresented, especially Bane. It’s okay to alter characters (for instance Negasonic Teenage Warhead in Deadpool), but what is not okay is to alter them so much they may as well be a completely different character. So super intelligent, super strong Bane becomes a mindless idiot, led around by Poison Ivy, doing not that much at all but growling.
The introduction of Batgirl serves little purpose and Silverstone is not that great in the role. None of the characters are likeable. Schwarzenegger wasn’t great at all, but at least he seems to be having fun, whereas the others are simply just bad, including the usually great Thurman. The other exception to that is Clooney, who is terrible. The worst Batman on anyone’s list. Clooney has since apologised to fans for his part in Batman’s downfall.
The action sequences look stiff and laboured, with totally physics defying feats. You are asked to suspend logic constantly. There’s one scene where Batman basically waits around to get Ivy’s love dust blown in his face TWICE, for instance. He is the world greatest detective, but he cant detect Ivy is about to do the exact same thing she did minutes ago that made him act strange, and maybe link the dust to the effects and, y’know, move out of the way.
People also tend to talk about one thing in particular when discussing this movie: Bat-nipples. I feel like they aren’t that much of an issue as I can get past a bad costume, especially if they have the story right. This time it doesn’t even look good. Gotham looks awful with a design that makes no sense. The Batmobile looks like a DJ turned a car into a moving disco.
This movie was rushed out quickly and everything about it screams “sell toys to the kids” but I think kids also deserve good stories if that is who you are aiming it at. It’s almost universally hated, and sadly there is no difference of opinion from me. Not even bargain bin. Just plain old bin it.
Movie info from Wikipedia:
|Directed by||Joel Schumacher|
|Produced by||Peter MacGregor-Scott|
|Written by||Akiva Goldsman|
|Music by||Elliot Goldenthal|
|Distributed by||Warner Bros.|
|Box office||$238.2 million|